he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
