I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
