If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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