dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize