i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
