I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
whose parrot is this?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
