And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
