I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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