I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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