So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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