I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
