Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
