I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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