Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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