i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
