I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
