I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
