i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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