She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
