They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
