so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There r osticjed everywhere
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
