i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
