he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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