I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
