I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
