I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
