Im at strip club and am horny
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's blow job season.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize