they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
