4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
