just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize