I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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