you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize