Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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