i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
