he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
