The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
