when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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