My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
