What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
