I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
