i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
