ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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