im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
