so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
