Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
