Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
