The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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