I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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