Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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