Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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