if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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