It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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