can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
