We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
