Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
