The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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