It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize