I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
