I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
