She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
