Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
