There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What a dumb baby whore.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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